never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
