My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
