So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
