I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
