oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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