Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
