I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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