stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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