you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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