yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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