dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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