she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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