i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
