I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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