Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
