Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
