so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
