girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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