"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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