look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
