the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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