A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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