The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
