So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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