he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
worst night to have a conscience
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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