someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The adults are the big ones right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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