i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
