Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
