The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
