Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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