After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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