i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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