im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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