I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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