Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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