At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
