apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
