I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
