omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ketchup is God's man juice
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
