I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
