I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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