Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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