they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
