I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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