we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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