I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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