eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
