Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
