Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
