i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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