Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
